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Thank you – Tomlin Wilding

I have also had a challenging few weeks at work. Last week, after the Easter break was a huge challenge for my son and it was not smooth. I then went away to work for three days over the weekend, and whilst that was great, it is tiring and my being away makes my children more dysregulated and they need me more than usual on my return. I returned to a three-year-old with chickenpox and a realisation that my son was not coping.

Both my physical and emotional energy is seriously low.

Last night, Obiwan (hubby) and I had a serious argument about how to manage our son at home. I have come to understand that parents of SEND children tend to have these kind of disagreements more often the other parents. We have four children, all of whom are potentially neurodivergent and in completely different ways. I know a lot about child development and parenting, and I train people to educate and support parents. Yet still, finding the right strategies for each moment and for each individual child and their neurology, finding the right balance between boundaries and autonomy, and finding the strength to empathise and hold space for all of them is beyond exhausting.

Beyond that exhaustion, there is a huge amount of fear for both of us. We both have  programming to fight, our own triggers and our own neurodivergence to manage. We don’t always agree on the right course of action or response. Finding and agreeing on these at all times is impossible, especially when we are both sure we are right. However, the worst part is that the person you rely on to support you most, the person who is always on your team, is suddenly seemingly working against you. You are both so emotionally invested and acting so much from fear, and a sense of protection of your self and your child, that it can be really hard not to over-cook the argument.

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